What Teachers Make.

Taylor Mali, a slam poet, on what teachers make.

Ujie shared this video with me, and I'm so glad he did. Simply amazing, and quite powerful. I love it. Love love love it.

random

Thesis is not really coming along as I had hoped. I am supposed to go to the preschoolers on Weds. with an activity. We'll see what comes out of that. I need to read and research... but I really just don't feel like it. Ever.

Ears are gauged again. I'm already back at 10's, but I'll prolly have to take it a little slower after this last upsize. Going from 12 to 10 tonight really, really hurt. I can't touch my ears right now. Plus, I think I left my 8's at my parents' house a long time ago, so I won't be able to get them for a week at least. This time, I will make it to the 4's!! Got to 6's last time, and then I forced the 4's... but I could tell they were about to get infected, and I was going to Mexico in 2 days, so I took them out and they shrunk right back down overnight. Well this time, I'm going for it...

Writing helps a lot. I love it. I haven't written in so long, and it's just flowing out of me recently. I have to be in a certain mental state in order for anything decent to come out... and I'm definitely there. Don't ask me why. I have no idea. I feel like I am floating away from myself. I'm putting up a wall around my life... and at this point, nobody even sees it... but they will. If I stay like this, people will notice. So hopefully I snap out of it soon. But somehow, I don't feel like I will...

Disconnected from God. Which doesn't help matters any. I feel like I am sitting here with my fingers in my ears, singing "LA LA LA..." and then I trip, and he offers me his hand to help me up, and I just roll over and ignore him... what kind of crap is this? Honestly. I have issues.

Dreading graduation. I had my advising appointment, and I'm right on track... joy. But what comes next? That's the problem. I have no motivation. Masters in Teaching Arts, perhaps? In which case, I need to apply... and I might not even need to take the GRE. Which I have already signed up for and paid for. I wonder if they give refunds.

Missing acting. Dreadfully. I wrote about it... prolly won't post it, 'cause it's not quite up to my standards... but it helped me get some stuff off my chest. Maybe I'll revise and post something soon. Point is, I desparately miss acting. The last thing I did was Godspell. I'm really looking forward to the part I'll probably play in IV's Justice Week demonstration... I love acting with my eyes. Maybe that will help me... but I really miss the stage. I miss releasing myself into a character... drawing from my own life, and forming it into something new... and then expressing it openly for everyone to see. Man.

Delerious. Slightly. With sleep, and more. I wonder if I'll keep this post up past tonight. My random train of thought, uncensored and raw. Enjoy it. This may disappear soon.

backwards

each day, all I want to do is SLEEP

but every night, I stay up far too LATE

doing these pointless things

to amuse my mind

only to suffer from exhaustion the next day.

UGH

what is my problem??

I'm wrecking myself

and not even in an enjoyable way

:P

Longing

Longing
for what was left behind.
That lost feeling
that desperation,
of grasping at threads
and spinning out of control.

Now,
everything is stable.
All is balanced.
I've matured
and seen the light,
the greater purpose
behind it all.
But inside...

I'm longing
to lose control.
To run
with my heart breaking,
to cry
with my skin stinging,
to feel
that the night will never end.

For the young, it's normal
acceptable
to be a lost girl
an emotional wreck
alone in the world.

But at 21?
Get it together!
That state won't suit you now.
You've grown
and passed that stage,
it's not cute anymore.
And yet...

I'm longing
desiring
begging!
to run wild
to let go
to sink down, down
and destroy myself
once more.

Over the Rainbow

Someday, I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far
behind me...

Where troubles melt like lemon drops
high above the chimney tops,
that's where you'll find me...

Are you ever just struck with how fleeting everything is??
This song always makes me really aware...

P.S. Bruddah Iz = awesome. :)



Today was an amazingly beautiful day... and I was inside, studying. Epic fail.

Hearing God's Call to Mission

Notes adapted from Brian Sanders' seminar at Sonburst 2008!! I learned a LOT from this, and I hope you do too... Enjoy!

--Starting with scripture, in typical IV style! :)
1 Samuel 17 (David and Goliath)
David exhibits fearlessness and comfort with himself, and is able to discern his calling in some ways we might not necessarily think of.

• He steps up because there is a void (nobody else will do it)... and it is perceived as arrogance!
• Living courageously for God draws criticism.
• He is not altogether inexperienced-- he has experience of facing great foes, and of God coming through for him.
• He focuses on the problem at hand, and not on other peoples' fear and criticisms.
  
• Takes this as an opportunity!

David puts himself in a position where only God can come through for him.
--When everything is against you, and there is still success... you KNOW it is because of God!

David is indignant in the face of a great bully who was against his God and his people.
David's identity in God is incredibly strong!
David believes that he is truly called.

He looks like a shepherd, but he is more. His connection to God obligated him to confront the great bully he encountered!!
--What really makes YOU mad in this world?
--This may help reveal what your calling is... we will come back to this later.

General revelations can answer many of our specific questions!!
--What are some scriptures that define what we, as followers of Jesus, are called to do?
--Knowing these scriptures, we can see some general guidelines that define our calling:

• The Great Commandment: "Love God, love people" (Mat. 22:36-40)
• The Great Commission: "Make disciples of all nations, baptizing and teaching..." (Mat. 28:18-20)
• Jesus' first act of ministry: "The Spirit of the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor..." (Luke 4:16-21)
• There are more, but these are some of the main examples.
  

In Eph. 4, Jesus lists 5 types of people: Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors, Teachers

• Western churches are primarily "pastoral"-- led by Pastors (and also Teachers). Pastors guard the safety of the "flock."
• But ALL 5 are supposed to lead!!
• A team of all 5 types of people looks a lot like Jesus!
• By relying on ONLY the pastoral people to lead, we create a church body who feels that the church exists for them to be comfortable and taken care of.
• This is part of the church's purpose... but definitely NOT all of it!

Apostle: "one who is sent"... or what we would call a missionary.
--It is listed first, which stresses its importance.
--We should strive to be more missional leaders!

• Lead as cultivators of creativity-- create environments where people can be released to mission.
• Teaching people and sending them out...
• And also teaching those who aren't here yet by going TO them!
• Whatever we do should serve the Kingdom. Whether you are a doctor, a teacher, a manager of a restaurant... you should be able to say how the path you are on is enabling you to follow God's call!!
• We should not rely solely on church leaders to accomplish God's mission-- the whole body needs to be involved!
  

FACT: The church is growing pretty much everywhere in the world... EXCEPT the west!
--Explosive growth in China, India, the Philippines, Latin America, Africa...
--Our megachurches create the illusion that the church is growing... but it's not.

What are some tools we can use to discern our calling??

Discern your bully-- what makes YOU mad? You may think this thing (AIDS epidemic, sex slaves, poverty, hunger, inner-city violence) makes EVERYONE mad... but really, we each have certain things that we feel a special passion for.

Discover your gifts-- Try everything you can! Take ANY opportunity to lead (Bible study, worship, a prayer meeting, whatever!). Some people will find that they're pretty good at everything, and they might need to pursue full-time ministry.

Nurture your relationships-- with God, and with each other. We need kingdom leaders, not just church leaders. Think big. Also, many discoveries about ourselves come from community!!

Develop your vocabulary with God-- We don't have enough words to hear God in prayer... so read his word and get familiar with his voice! This generation has an especially high amount of risk-taking ability, and a high concern for each other, but we have an especially low knowledge of God's word.

Sonburst '08

Amazing. What a great weekend. I feel like God has renewed me, and really stretched me in ways that I may not have been prepared for... and yet, he guided me through it all. He has built up my faith, and he has answered some questions I had... of course, those answers brought new questions, but for now, I am content. I am secure in God's love and guidance. I just need to stay connected to him... desperately.

More later. Homework time.

Soy famosa!!

WOO I'm famous!

Kind of. ;)

















The pic is larger here. There's a few more to look at too, though no others with me and Ryan's beautiful faces. Hehe.

Biden' my time... har har

Just got back from the Sundome, after standing in the front row for the Biden rally. What a great speech. I was very impressed with the turnout, as well.

Joe seems to be honest, intelligent, and respectable. I enjoyed listening to what he had to say, and I think he's right on. What a great choice for VP!

I got to shake his hand after, too... hehe.

Unfortunately, my camera is busted, so I couldn't take any pics. They would have been awesome... literally, front row. *sigh* But I got the names of some people around me with cameras, and they're gonna post pics on Facebook. As soon as I can get a hold of them, I'll post 'em on here!

Long live the Lamb!!

This is an excerpt from the blog of Shane Claiborne, author of Jesus for President. He discusses the role of Christians in this year's election.

Our central allegiance is to God’s Kingdom, and we invite everything else in the world to align itself with the norms of that upside-down Kingdom. That is what we endorse, and we stand behind everything and everyone that moves us closer to that - the coming of God’s Kingdom “on earth as it is in heaven.” And we get in the way of everything that contradicts and works against God’s Kingdom - interrupting injustice with grace.

In post-Religious Right America, we want to learn from the mistakes of the generation before us (so we don’t repeat them) - one of which was telling Christians who to vote for. Rather than spoon-feeding people answers, we hope to stir up the right questions - and trust that the Spirit will lead us as we “work out our salvation with fear and trembling.” One of the places the religious right went wrong was telling people what to do rather than inviting them to think for themselves, with the help of the Spirit of God (in fact, it even seems a real lack of faith to to coerce or convince people to do exactly what we want them to… as if the Spirit is not at work in them). That’s where Jesus shines - he stirs up questions and tells stories that unveil truth, rather than drafting a careful declaration or endorsement that’s going to solve everything wrong in the world.

Folks come out of our JFP shows with all kinds of ideas churning. Some have shared that they are inspired to start an adoption agency to try and decrease the number of abortions. U.S. soldiers have said they are becoming conscientious objectors or are seeking discharge. Some folks have said they are going to organize for one of the candidates, and others have said they are going to write in “Jesus” on Nov. 4. To all of it we say, “Yes!” Thank God the Spirit is at work, and is renewing minds and imaginations in the Church, so that we might follow the command of Romans: “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Reporters often ask folks leaving our presentations funny questions like: “Young evangelicals are the swing vote in this election… has this evening affected how you are going to vote in November?” I heard one person say beautifully, “That’s the wrong question… the real question is how can we become the change we want to see in the world TODAY and not just hope that every four years we can elect politicians to change the world for us.” May it be so. May we continue to become the change we want to see in the Church and in the world. Enough donkeys and elephants - Long live the Lamb.

Blah

I am so lazy...

I just don't want to do anything.

I have absolutely zero motivation.

...What is wrong with me??

More from Lauren :)

I wish I could explain myself as clearly as Lauren does here. This comment was from a Facebook note, in which a friend of ours (who is a Jesus-follower) asked his friends to state who they were voting for, and give three reasons why they are going to vote for that person. He asked everyone to refrain from name-calling (Palin is stupid, Obama is a terrorist, etc.) and really just honestly address the issues.

Lauren's reply:

I don't think the Republicans or the Dems have got it all right. But I do wish with all my heart that more Christians would see and understand that "moral values" go waaaaaaaaaaaaaay beyond abortion and gay marriage. I think it's immoral that millions of people in this country don't have health care. I am in such horrible medical debt because of cancer that was out of my control and I will be for a long time. I think it's immoral that people are paid unfair wages for hard work in this country. I think poverty is immoral. I think corrupt school systems are immoral, especially because I was forced to put up with one all my life. I think war is immoral.

We have a very strong call from Jesus to be peacemakers, to be people of reconciliation, to struggle with the poor and the least of these in our society. I don't think Jesus meant charity, either. I really think He meant taking a stand about changing systems and making things right. There is a strong call from Him to create equality. I also know that God commands us to take of this Earth He created and gave us, not to abuse it however we want.

I don't think the Dems have it all right. I am voting for Obama because I think he is more on the side of the poor and the marginalized of our society and I believe he genuinely wants to create a more just society. I like that he wants to make caring for our environment more of a priority and that he also has a concrete plan for ending a war that should have never happened in the first place. I don't think Obama is our savior, though, and it's scary how much hope people put in him. Jesus is the only one who is going to bring real transformation and He is going to keep using us to bring that change.

And I could not agree more! I was so happy to see this, because people were starting to get into the issue of who has "better morals..." and sometimes it makes me want to start yelling and arguing. Props to Lauren for this calm and clear explanation!! :)

I kind of want to read "Jesus for President..." I've heard a few people, now, say that it's a good and challenging book.

P.S. I am really fed up with these Blogger tags, because for some reason, Jesus is always changed to lowercase!! I don't get it!