Taylor Mali, a slam poet, on what teachers make.
Ujie shared this video with me, and I'm so glad he did. Simply amazing, and quite powerful. I love it. Love love love it.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
random
Thesis is not really coming along as I had hoped. I am supposed to go to the preschoolers on Weds. with an activity. We'll see what comes out of that. I need to read and research... but I really just don't feel like it. Ever.
Ears are gauged again. I'm already back at 10's, but I'll prolly have to take it a little slower after this last upsize. Going from 12 to 10 tonight really, really hurt. I can't touch my ears right now. Plus, I think I left my 8's at my parents' house a long time ago, so I won't be able to get them for a week at least. This time, I will make it to the 4's!! Got to 6's last time, and then I forced the 4's... but I could tell they were about to get infected, and I was going to Mexico in 2 days, so I took them out and they shrunk right back down overnight. Well this time, I'm going for it...
Writing helps a lot. I love it. I haven't written in so long, and it's just flowing out of me recently. I have to be in a certain mental state in order for anything decent to come out... and I'm definitely there. Don't ask me why. I have no idea. I feel like I am floating away from myself. I'm putting up a wall around my life... and at this point, nobody even sees it... but they will. If I stay like this, people will notice. So hopefully I snap out of it soon. But somehow, I don't feel like I will...
Disconnected from God. Which doesn't help matters any. I feel like I am sitting here with my fingers in my ears, singing "LA LA LA..." and then I trip, and he offers me his hand to help me up, and I just roll over and ignore him... what kind of crap is this? Honestly. I have issues.
Dreading graduation. I had my advising appointment, and I'm right on track... joy. But what comes next? That's the problem. I have no motivation. Masters in Teaching Arts, perhaps? In which case, I need to apply... and I might not even need to take the GRE. Which I have already signed up for and paid for. I wonder if they give refunds.
Missing acting. Dreadfully. I wrote about it... prolly won't post it, 'cause it's not quite up to my standards... but it helped me get some stuff off my chest. Maybe I'll revise and post something soon. Point is, I desparately miss acting. The last thing I did was Godspell. I'm really looking forward to the part I'll probably play in IV's Justice Week demonstration... I love acting with my eyes. Maybe that will help me... but I really miss the stage. I miss releasing myself into a character... drawing from my own life, and forming it into something new... and then expressing it openly for everyone to see. Man.
Delerious. Slightly. With sleep, and more. I wonder if I'll keep this post up past tonight. My random train of thought, uncensored and raw. Enjoy it. This may disappear soon.
Ears are gauged again. I'm already back at 10's, but I'll prolly have to take it a little slower after this last upsize. Going from 12 to 10 tonight really, really hurt. I can't touch my ears right now. Plus, I think I left my 8's at my parents' house a long time ago, so I won't be able to get them for a week at least. This time, I will make it to the 4's!! Got to 6's last time, and then I forced the 4's... but I could tell they were about to get infected, and I was going to Mexico in 2 days, so I took them out and they shrunk right back down overnight. Well this time, I'm going for it...
Writing helps a lot. I love it. I haven't written in so long, and it's just flowing out of me recently. I have to be in a certain mental state in order for anything decent to come out... and I'm definitely there. Don't ask me why. I have no idea. I feel like I am floating away from myself. I'm putting up a wall around my life... and at this point, nobody even sees it... but they will. If I stay like this, people will notice. So hopefully I snap out of it soon. But somehow, I don't feel like I will...
Disconnected from God. Which doesn't help matters any. I feel like I am sitting here with my fingers in my ears, singing "LA LA LA..." and then I trip, and he offers me his hand to help me up, and I just roll over and ignore him... what kind of crap is this? Honestly. I have issues.
Dreading graduation. I had my advising appointment, and I'm right on track... joy. But what comes next? That's the problem. I have no motivation. Masters in Teaching Arts, perhaps? In which case, I need to apply... and I might not even need to take the GRE. Which I have already signed up for and paid for. I wonder if they give refunds.
Missing acting. Dreadfully. I wrote about it... prolly won't post it, 'cause it's not quite up to my standards... but it helped me get some stuff off my chest. Maybe I'll revise and post something soon. Point is, I desparately miss acting. The last thing I did was Godspell. I'm really looking forward to the part I'll probably play in IV's Justice Week demonstration... I love acting with my eyes. Maybe that will help me... but I really miss the stage. I miss releasing myself into a character... drawing from my own life, and forming it into something new... and then expressing it openly for everyone to see. Man.
Delerious. Slightly. With sleep, and more. I wonder if I'll keep this post up past tonight. My random train of thought, uncensored and raw. Enjoy it. This may disappear soon.
Monday, October 27, 2008
backwards
each day, all I want to do is SLEEP
but every night, I stay up far too LATE
doing these pointless things
to amuse my mind
only to suffer from exhaustion the next day.
UGH
what is my problem??
I'm wrecking myself
and not even in an enjoyable way
:P
but every night, I stay up far too LATE
doing these pointless things
to amuse my mind
only to suffer from exhaustion the next day.
UGH
what is my problem??
I'm wrecking myself
and not even in an enjoyable way
:P
Friday, October 24, 2008
Longing
Longing
for what was left behind.
That lost feeling
that desperation,
of grasping at threads
and spinning out of control.
Now,
everything is stable.
All is balanced.
I've matured
and seen the light,
the greater purpose
behind it all.
But inside...
I'm longing
to lose control.
To run
with my heart breaking,
to cry
with my skin stinging,
to feel
that the night will never end.
For the young, it's normal
acceptable
to be a lost girl
an emotional wreck
alone in the world.
But at 21?
Get it together!
That state won't suit you now.
You've grown
and passed that stage,
it's not cute anymore.
And yet...
I'm longing
desiring
begging!
to run wild
to let go
to sink down, down
and destroy myself
once more.
for what was left behind.
That lost feeling
that desperation,
of grasping at threads
and spinning out of control.
Now,
everything is stable.
All is balanced.
I've matured
and seen the light,
the greater purpose
behind it all.
But inside...
I'm longing
to lose control.
To run
with my heart breaking,
to cry
with my skin stinging,
to feel
that the night will never end.
For the young, it's normal
acceptable
to be a lost girl
an emotional wreck
alone in the world.
But at 21?
Get it together!
That state won't suit you now.
You've grown
and passed that stage,
it's not cute anymore.
And yet...
I'm longing
desiring
begging!
to run wild
to let go
to sink down, down
and destroy myself
once more.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Over the Rainbow
Someday, I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far
behind me...
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
high above the chimney tops,
that's where you'll find me...
Are you ever just struck with how fleeting everything is??
This song always makes me really aware...
P.S. Bruddah Iz = awesome. :)
Today was an amazingly beautiful day... and I was inside, studying. Epic fail.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Hearing God's Call to Mission
Notes adapted from Brian Sanders' seminar at Sonburst 2008!! I learned a LOT from this, and I hope you do too... Enjoy!
--Starting with scripture, in typical IV style! :)
1 Samuel 17 (David and Goliath)
David exhibits fearlessness and comfort with himself, and is able to discern his calling in some ways we might not necessarily think of.
--When everything is against you, and there is still success... you KNOW it is because of God!
David is indignant in the face of a great bully who was against his God and his people.
David's identity in God is incredibly strong!
David believes that he is truly called.
He looks like a shepherd, but he is more. His connection to God obligated him to confront the great bully he encountered!!
--What really makes YOU mad in this world?
--This may help reveal what your calling is... we will come back to this later.
General revelations can answer many of our specific questions!!
--What are some scriptures that define what we, as followers of Jesus, are called to do?
--Knowing these scriptures, we can see some general guidelines that define our calling:
--It is listed first, which stresses its importance.
--We should strive to be more missional leaders!
--Explosive growth in China, India, the Philippines, Latin America, Africa...
--Our megachurches create the illusion that the church is growing... but it's not.
What are some tools we can use to discern our calling??
Discern your bully-- what makes YOU mad? You may think this thing (AIDS epidemic, sex slaves, poverty, hunger, inner-city violence) makes EVERYONE mad... but really, we each have certain things that we feel a special passion for.
Discover your gifts-- Try everything you can! Take ANY opportunity to lead (Bible study, worship, a prayer meeting, whatever!). Some people will find that they're pretty good at everything, and they might need to pursue full-time ministry.
Nurture your relationships-- with God, and with each other. We need kingdom leaders, not just church leaders. Think big. Also, many discoveries about ourselves come from community!!
Develop your vocabulary with God-- We don't have enough words to hear God in prayer... so read his word and get familiar with his voice! This generation has an especially high amount of risk-taking ability, and a high concern for each other, but we have an especially low knowledge of God's word.
--Starting with scripture, in typical IV style! :)
1 Samuel 17 (David and Goliath)
David exhibits fearlessness and comfort with himself, and is able to discern his calling in some ways we might not necessarily think of.
- He steps up because there is a void (nobody else will do it)... and it is perceived as arrogance!
- Living courageously for God draws criticism.
- He is not altogether inexperienced-- he has experience of facing great foes, and of God coming through for him.
- He focuses on the problem at hand, and not on other peoples' fear and criticisms.
- Takes this as an opportunity!
--When everything is against you, and there is still success... you KNOW it is because of God!
David is indignant in the face of a great bully who was against his God and his people.
David's identity in God is incredibly strong!
David believes that he is truly called.
He looks like a shepherd, but he is more. His connection to God obligated him to confront the great bully he encountered!!
--What really makes YOU mad in this world?
--This may help reveal what your calling is... we will come back to this later.
General revelations can answer many of our specific questions!!
--What are some scriptures that define what we, as followers of Jesus, are called to do?
--Knowing these scriptures, we can see some general guidelines that define our calling:
- The Great Commandment: "Love God, love people" (Mat. 22:36-40)
- The Great Commission: "Make disciples of all nations, baptizing and teaching..." (Mat. 28:18-20)
- Jesus' first act of ministry: "The Spirit of the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor..." (Luke 4:16-21)
- There are more, but these are some of the main examples.
- Western churches are primarily "pastoral"-- led by Pastors (and also Teachers). Pastors guard the safety of the "flock."
- But ALL 5 are supposed to lead!!
- A team of all 5 types of people looks a lot like Jesus!
- By relying on ONLY the pastoral people to lead, we create a church body who feels that the church exists for them to be comfortable and taken care of.
- This is part of the church's purpose... but definitely NOT all of it!
--It is listed first, which stresses its importance.
--We should strive to be more missional leaders!
- Lead as cultivators of creativity-- create environments where people can be released to mission.
- Teaching people and sending them out...
- And also teaching those who aren't here yet by going TO them!
- Whatever we do should serve the Kingdom. Whether you are a doctor, a teacher, a manager of a restaurant... you should be able to say how the path you are on is enabling you to follow God's call!!
- We should not rely solely on church leaders to accomplish God's mission-- the whole body needs to be involved!
--Explosive growth in China, India, the Philippines, Latin America, Africa...
--Our megachurches create the illusion that the church is growing... but it's not.
What are some tools we can use to discern our calling??
Discern your bully-- what makes YOU mad? You may think this thing (AIDS epidemic, sex slaves, poverty, hunger, inner-city violence) makes EVERYONE mad... but really, we each have certain things that we feel a special passion for.
Discover your gifts-- Try everything you can! Take ANY opportunity to lead (Bible study, worship, a prayer meeting, whatever!). Some people will find that they're pretty good at everything, and they might need to pursue full-time ministry.
Nurture your relationships-- with God, and with each other. We need kingdom leaders, not just church leaders. Think big. Also, many discoveries about ourselves come from community!!
Develop your vocabulary with God-- We don't have enough words to hear God in prayer... so read his word and get familiar with his voice! This generation has an especially high amount of risk-taking ability, and a high concern for each other, but we have an especially low knowledge of God's word.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Sonburst '08
Amazing. What a great weekend. I feel like God has renewed me, and really stretched me in ways that I may not have been prepared for... and yet, he guided me through it all. He has built up my faith, and he has answered some questions I had... of course, those answers brought new questions, but for now, I am content. I am secure in God's love and guidance. I just need to stay connected to him... desperately.
More later. Homework time.
More later. Homework time.
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