The Thankful List

All the cool kids are doing it.

Family
Ok, we're weird. I admit it. But this bond will never be broken. I don't think anyone understands us-- I don't think I even understand us. But I'm really glad we're together, and I know we always will be. No matter what, we are in it for the long haul, and I love you. We're a crazy bunch... and it rocks. Know that I am always praying for you... always, always, always.

InterVarsity
Oh my gosh. I don't even want to think of where I'd be without this amazing group of people. I have found a true community in them all, and though I still have trouble connecting, I know that when it all comes down to it, everyone does accept me. I'm still trying to break down the walls I build around myself and get closer to everyone, but still, you're all fantastic. I have never met a more transparent group of people, and who are so dedicated to following Jesus. You help me keep going the right direction, so thanks.

Jeremy and Jessica
Ok, I mentioned IV already, and all the staff are AMAZING beyond words, but specifically Jeremy's leadership has had a really big impact on my life. I've grown a lot over the past year or two, and Jeremy has pushed me along the way, and helped me to stretch myself, and to trust that God will catch me. I really, truly appreciate the love that Jeremy and Jessica pour into all of us. Jessica is wonderful too, and I really look up to her as a woman, a mother, a person following God. She's fantastic.

Education
I have been blessed with a wonderful education. My family has encouraged me to learn, my teachers have supported me and encouraged me to reach my potential, and my schools have all taught me a lot over the years. I know how lucky I am to be one of the 1% in the world to recieve a college education, and I know that it is largely due to the people who have supported me. I pray that I can use my education to God's glory, even though I may not know what that is yet.

Consciousness
I am thankful that I am beginning to wake up, to see the forces that try to control the minds of me and my generation. They tell us to buy, to consume, to look out for yourself. Get ahead. You are number one. Do whatever it takes to come out ahead... and while you're at it, buy our product. Don't ask where it came from. It's not important.
And to this, I say NO. I am regaining my consciousness. I am fighting back, and you cannot control me any longer. I am stepping away from this garbage, and reclaiming my life. You will not force me into your traps, and I will never be complacent living in ignorance. For this, though it causes me sadness, grief, and even discomfort... I am thankful.

Kids
Kids are amazing. I am having baby cravings like woah... haha. Every time I see a child, I am struck by their beauty, their innocence, their unique perspectives on the world... I am in love with every child I see. They make me so happy. I have been daydreaming about my future kids... will they be boys? Girls? Will they look like me? My future husband? Will they come from another country altogether? Whoever they are, I look forward to the day I can finally meet them. I feel like I love them already... It sounds weird, but I don't care, it's the truth. I'm not sure about a lot of things in my future, but I know that I will be a mother. Of this, I am completely sure.

Theresa
She holds a special place in my heart... one of the VERY few people that has stuck by all my bad choices, my crazy schemes, my ignorance, my panic attacks, my heartbreaks... and through it all, has never betrayed me. Theresa, you've seen me at my worst, but you always give me your best. I don't know where I'd be without you.

Ryan
Yeah... it's true. I love him. I'll spare you the gooey details, but he has been an amazing friend, and a really wonderful boyfriend. We've grown a lot, and I hope that we can continue to grow together. Thanks for sticking around. :)

God
The ultimate in sticking around through the hard times... You are amazing. Thank you for your constant presence in my life, even back when I thought I didn't want you around. You have been seeking me out from the beginning. I know this to be true, and I don't know why... but all I can do is thank you.

That's all I'm gonna write tonight... thanks for listening.

Breaking my tradition...

OK. Anyone who is around me during this time of year knows that I am very particular about one certain tradition (actually, there's a few... but we're not going into all that), and that is the fact that I do not do anything "Christmas-y" until I see Santa come down the float at the end of the Macy's parade. After this, the Christmas season officially starts, but until then, I refuse to acknowledge it. I'm stubborn like that. :P

But this year, in the spirit of giving, I have officially broken that tradition. I got a gift for a foster child that was on one of the Angel Trees, and bought wrapping paper too, yesterday. I felt moved to get something, because I saw this one girl's card, and the fact that she was 15 caught my eye. I know how much harder it is for kids the older they get within the "system." People want to adopt young, and people always want to help cute little kids, but angsty teenagers take a bit more of an effort to love.

Plus, their Christmas gifts tend to run a bit more expensive. But I went ahead and got her the DVD player from her list. It was pretty cheap, and plus I know I have very giving friends to help me out with stuff like this. I already was repaid $15, chipped in from Ryan, Theresa, and my brother, and that's already almost half the cost. One of the things I love so much about my "crew" is that everyone chips in whenever necessary. That's what helped get me and so many people I know to Mexico, the Philippines, or wherever else God is calling them. Yes, I broke my tradition this year and bought a gift early. So sue me.

The reason I am posting this, though, is because I just got done looking through the World Vision gift catalog for this Christmas season, and I really wanted to share that on here. I wish I had the means to contribute to everything represented in that catalog. If you haven't seen it, World Vision offers the opportunity to buy really awesome things for people in poverty... things that will help turn their lives around. Some of the ones I remember are farm animals (goats, cows, chickens), school supplies, job training for women, clean water sources, malaria nets, safe housing, Bibles in native languages, soccer balls, musical instruments, farming tools, medication, help for sexually exploited girls... So many wonderful things.

If you want to check it out, go here for the online catalog. Look around. You can even purchase one of these things as a Christmas gift for someone you care about. Instead of buying some dumb bath set or random cologne, why not tell them that a child in poverty is now recieving an education? Or that a mother is receiving job training so that she can provide for her family? Or that an entire village is recieving clean water, and is now guarded against death from cholera?

I think it's a really cool way to show the love of Jesus in a practical way, both to our friends here and the people whose lives are affected by these gifts. We as Americans need to take a minute and turn the focus away from ourselves, even as we try to give Christmas gifts to each other. I would be really happy if this year someone contributed to a World Vision gift instead of getting me some dumb thing I don't even care about, and I'm sure many people would feel the same way as me.

:)

My GRE Experience

Took the GRE today... I prepared for it by reviewing basic math for about an hour last night, and looking over some sample essays from the writing section. LOL, so basically I was totally winging it, but I did alright. May I just say, though, that verbal was HARD!! Holy cow, I could have sworn they were making up half of those words!! Anyway:

Verbal: 530... like I said, it was hard. Really hard. I am a person who reads a LOT, and it was still ridiculously tough.

Math: 740... haha. Guess my 1 hour math review helped! :)

Writing: Not scored yet, but I am guessing that I will get a 4-5 on the perspective essay, and a 5-6 on the arguement analysis (I think I did really well on that one). Thank God I watched Hotel Rwanda with Theresa last night, because I used Paul R.... (the hotel manager) as an example of an effective leader in my perspective essay.

So, it really wasn't as terrible as everyone makes it out to be... the most annoying part is the antiquated computer-based system they use. I felt like I was in a time warp, using some rickety old computer in my elementary school. They need some sharper software, methinks... I actually would prefer a paper exam to their outdated (and rather cumbersome) "technology"!!

And now, it is naptime... I'm exhausted.

P.S. If anyone is interested in serving the homeless in the University area tomorrow night, let me know. I've got the hook-up. :)

Good news!

I'll make this quick...

we have a room!! not only for next semester, but for the rest of this one as well!!

Hooray! Thank you JESUS!! :)

Common Ground with the Voiceless went very well, for being in the food court...

...but I am soooo happy that we will be back in 3707! The people at the MSC really had grace on us... amazing. God provides.

What a relief!!

:) :) :)

Prayer Request

For the few of you who may read this that are NOT in IVCF at USF...

Please pray, we are in a pretty crappy situation at the moment. We have lost our room reservations for the rest of the year, which could potentially destroy our ministry. Yes, we did something wrong, we did break a rule, but we had no idea the repercussions would be so severe. Here's the situation in more detail, if you wanna know:

We basically had an event outside of the Marshall Center to share the gospel, even though they denied our request to hold that event (our request was made only about 12 business days in advance, not the required 14... a rule which they have only very recently began to enforce). We had actually put in requests for 3 events and they all got denied.... but we figured we'd try to do this one anyway, because we really felt a need to share the gospel in this way. We figured if they had a problem they'd ask us to leave, and we would politely pack up and leave. Well, nobody asked us to move all day, and we had a great response from students... and then that night, Jeremy and Melyssa received an email informing us that we have lost our room reservations for the year. Meaning, we have no space for Common Ground, for leadership meetings... and for our special JJP event tomorrow, "Common Ground with the Voiceless."

It's really discouraging. It broke my heart when they told me this... it is so easy to take our room away, but by doing that, they don't understand how badly they hurt our community... our family. At first I was angry that we decided to break the rule, because of the amount of trouble we got into, and the fact that the Bible says we must respect authority... but then I thought about it, and I realized that because of what we did, about 50 students heard the gospel that day alone, and they were all really receptive to it. I think we got a lot of students to see a side of Jesus they did not know existed. We are to respect authority to the point that it doesn't go against God... and he definitely has commanded to preach the gospel to all nations.

Plus, yes we broke a rule... but we were OUTSIDE. And not disturbing anyone. Polite. Friendly. Informative. We have been an organization at USF for over 15 years, and have in that time requested over 900 rooms for events and meetings... and in all that time we have never broken a rule. We have always listened to them, even when they have been completely unfair (like this year, when they approved an event, and then changed their minds about it not even two days before the event took place... we just accepted it). And now the first time something goes wrong, they take our rooms away for the year?? It's absurd, and injust. The Marshall Center is for STUDENTS but they have been ridiculous about denying us this year. It's not just our orginization either... I have heard about 3 others who are having difficulties as well.

The good news is that after a day of headaches and meetings, we got a room confirmed for next semester (which is a huge relief!), but we're still without a home for this semester. Why do my groups always get kicked out of places?? The Underground got kicked out of its "home" at the Improv a year or so ago, and they hadn't even broken a rule or anything!!

Anyway. I am trying to reassure myself that we do not need a room... we do not need anything but Jesus. At the same time, though, I worry about new students who may not be connected enough right now to continue coming after this madness has settled back down. The leadership will be fine, the core group will be fine... I am just worried about the newer kids. But I have faith that God will provide and keep us together.

Anyways, prayers would be appreciated. Thanks. I will try not to let "the man" get me down... and to remember that even the Son of Man had no place to lay his head.

We Are Winning...

Three times, today, I listened to this song...
three times, today, it made me cry
and filled me with hope
for the Kingdom of God
and for what can be
if I allow myself to dream,
and allow God to use me completely.

Today is the day I change the course of my life...

"We Are Winning"

Rival gangsters sit down to plan an after-school program
A religious fanatic posts footage of an interfaith service project
A group of teenage boys watches a video of a father playing catch with his son
An adult film star paints thumbnail portraits of elderly couples, fully clothed and smiling
A record executive records a demo of his apology
A policeman makes reverse 911 calls instructing residents to take to the streets
A patriot reports for duty
She's wearing an orange jumpsuit and holding a picket sign
She's ashamed of her birthplace
But retreat is not an option

Women and children
Frontline
Log on, Tune in
Stand and be counted
Wounded, Stationed
In the belly of the vulture
Watch your back
There's no civilians
Women children
Frontline, Listen
Consider this a distant early warning
The fires imminent
Pollution gathering dust particles
Funneling through smokestacks
Airwaves, Bandwidth
Disinformation tube fed
Check the label
Delete the virus
Alert the masses

Butterfly wing crosswinds send black hawks toward hurricane survivors
Roses sprout from empty lots and sidewalk cracks
Pacifist guerrillas move undetected through concrete jungles
New forms are beginning to take shape
Once-occupied minds are activating
People are waking up
The insurgency is alive and well

Rise of the FLOBOTS
Portrait of the new American insurgent
Rattle and shake the foundation of the world order
Assembly line consent
Resist, Refuse
Inform, Create
Direct loved ones to the trenches
Suit up
Forge rubble into fortresses
Plaster, Cloth
Aluminum
Broken porcelain
Rusted platinum
Burn bloodstains from decompressed diamonds
Hammer the battlecry into braille-studded armor

We are building up a new world
Do not sit idly by
Do not remain neutral
Do not rely on this broadcast alone
We are only as strong as our signal
There is a war going on for your mind
If you are thinking you are winning
Resistance is victory
Defeat is impossible
Your weapons are already in hand
Reach within you and find the means by which to gain your freedom
Fight with tools
Your fate and that of everyone you know depends on it

Subversive Southerner

I have been putting off my studying all day... and I was doing so well up until today! *sigh*

It just isn't that important to me... is that wrong?

I don't want to be a scientist anymore. I want to be Anne Braden.

....and I really wish I could go back to Mexico.